Covered in Awareness

I've been attending a Messianic fellowship and observing Torah for 10 months. I am covering my hair now pretty consistently whenever I'm outside my home and really like how it makes me feel. I'm always conscious of my behavior when I'm covered.

To me it's sort of like Christians who have the fish sticker on their car and resist the urge for road rage because they know they are representing their beliefs out loud, for the world to see. The fear of hypocrisy is just too much.

Likewise, I feel very aware of my attitude and that I'm not my own when I'm covered. I'm a better me with this focus and awareness. My husband likes the look too. Honestly, I'm still battling my feelings on vanity a little. I'm 32 and I finally like my body. I have grown used to my crazy curly hair and now I'm covering it all up. It almost seems like a waste. Yet, I know Yah is blessing me and my marriage through my act of obedience to what He has asked me to do with my attire.

My husband and I have been talking about this topic a lot after the kids go to sleep and we have come to believe that these new additions to our attire (my head covering and his tzit tzits) create a continual awareness, through the strains and challenges of our daily life, of whom we belong to.

I feel incredibly in control and centered with this awareness. It keeps my head clear and my attitude in check. I realize that I am not my own, not truly. I'm not free to cloth myself half-hazardly by the world's standards of beauty, but instead created to worship Yah in everything I am and do from the inside out. So no, I'm not free. Not in some respects. Yet, I am totally free because of this awareness which leads me to voluntarily surrender my freedom day after day to obey what He is leading me to do. This freedom in itself.

I'm really not judging anyone who doesn't cover. I have only just begun and have no presumptions that I've "arrived" spiritually. I'm a newborn. This is my baby book. Come along and watch my first steps. You're invited to clap when I make progress and I won't even be offended if you giggle slightly when I fall on my face.

I'm really just beginning my T.O.B.Y. journey, but I am passionate, enthusiastic and eager. I'll share my experiences here, however awkward. As the refining fire hits me and His Word matures me I hope to be polished up pretty, a beautiful sight to Adonai.